Wife: I really don’t want to argue with you about housework anymore. I know you’re busy with work, so here’s a deal: from now on, you’ll take care of vacuuming, and I’ll handle taking care of the kids, cooking, and doing the laundry.
Husband: That sounds fine.
……
Wife: The kids often play on the floor, and it’s so dirty now. Why haven’t you vacuumed yet?
Wife: Yesterday the kids went to the beach, and there was so much sand at the door. Why haven’t you cleaned it up yet?
Husband: It’s not that bad. I’ll vacuum on the weekend.
Husband: Sand isn’t dirty. With kids, the house is naturally going to be a bit messy.
Wife: Just once a week on the weekend? At least every three days! I’m not asking you to do it every day.
Husband: I’ve already vacuumed once a week for you. Actually, I think once every two weeks is enough.
Wife: For me? Is this home not yours too? Are the kids just mine?
……
This kind of situation is common in many young families. Sometimes it’s more mild, sometimes more intense, but in the end, it either fades away or resurfaces after some time.
They also try to find solutions:
For example, strict division of labor: vacuuming three times a week, with the husband doing it this week and the wife next week. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, the wife picks up the kids, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the husband does it. It seems fair at first, but gradually both sides start to complain. They say it’s hard to get married and have kids, and that they’ve made many sacrifices for the family. More seriously, both are exhausted from housework, and communication between them is decreasing. It feels like there’s nothing else to talk about besides the kids and housework, and the warmth between the two is naturally fading.
Another example is that since the husband is responsible for vacuuming, he decides how often to do it, which naturally becomes once every two weeks. In this case, the husband is satisfied, but the wife feels like she’s living in a garbage dump and is very unhappy.
Or, both sides compromise, and the husband vacuums once a week. The result is that the husband feels it’s unnecessary and makes a big sacrifice to ease family tensions. The wife still feels the house is dirty and can’t say anything, so she’s also unhappy in her heart.
Both sides try all sorts of methods, but they can’t seem to get back the feeling of being a couple. They keep telling themselves this is marriage, this is just life. But is this really the life we want? Is marriage really the grave of love?
Another way to resolve this:
Who can’t stand the mess at home?—The wife
Who asked for vacuuming every three days?—The wife
The husband doesn’t complain about the mess. He can live in a house that’s vacuumed every day or every two weeks. It’s the wife who can’t live in a house that’s only vacuumed every two weeks.
So who should vacuum every three days?—Clearly, it’s the wife.
The wife is definitely不服: What logic! The home is for both of us. Why shouldn’t he take on some of the housework?!
Is there a way to coordinate the housework arrangements while also returning to the initial warm feelings and having endless things to talk about?
Indeed, the home is a division of labor between two people. Regarding vacuuming, the wife’s tolerance is every three days, and the husband’s is every two weeks. So if the wife vacuums every three days, the husband doesn’t need to vacuum every two weeks. The key point is: the wife vacuums every three days for herself, not for the husband. Seeing a clean home every day makes the wife happy! If the husband is willing to vacuum once a week, the wife should be grateful because he’s doing it for her.
The wife listened and was stunned for a long time: Then I have to work, take care of the kids, and love cleanliness. Won’t all the responsibilities fall on me?
No problem, there are always more solutions than difficulties!
You can hire a professional housekeeper to clean the house exactly to your standards, or continue arguing every day about the husband not vacuuming or not doing it properly?
Actually, the wife doesn’t need to feel too wronged. If the husband believes he needs to earn 200,000 a year to provide a safer future for the family, while the wife thinks 50,000 is enough, the wife can happily hand over the task of earning money to the husband, and the husband will be happy to accept it.
Both can live happily every day, doing the life they want. The arguments, anger, and委屈 between spouses… aren’t there opportunities to resolve them?
Imagine this: the wife is dusting and sweeping, making the house spotless, and she feels refreshed and comfortable. The husband is sitting by the computer, carefully researching which insurance company offers the best value for money, and he feels proud of his choice. Both are doing things they like and are good at, and they appreciate each other’s efforts. How could there be a grumpy dad or a sour-faced mom at home?
The family cooperation model isn’t fixed. It’s not about time allocation or task allocation. Whoever reaches their limit first and can’t stand it, they do it first. Let me repeat the key point: you do it for your own happiness!
Everyone has different limits for doing different things, and this is related to the priority of our values in life.
The same thing, viewed from a different angle, can change from daily complaints and frowns to calmness and happiness. This is the secret of psychology.